Why am I crying and where are those damn fries?! We’ve all had these moments after a few too many adult beverages. Jenny is always annoying, and Jess is always your BFF; and you must express your undying love for her and also for french fries, of course.
Caution: Reliving these moments may be the key to discovering the true meaning of life. Well not really; but they’ll give you a good laugh and perhaps remind you to lay off the bottle for a while, or maybe get straight into it for some good entertainment!
1. Am I hot?
You would tell me if I looked bad right? Does this dress make my ass look fat? No, of course you are hot Jenny, and you look so skinny.
2. Bitch session.
What the hell is Jenny’s problem? Why is she still talking about her ex? She’s so annoying; let’s totally ditch her and get another drink.
3. You’re not sure why you’re crying.
OMG Jess why are you crying? Oh wait, now I’m crying; why are we crying? Let’s get another drink.
4. You can’t stop taking selfies.
Let’s take another selfie. Wait no; I hate this photo, can you please delete it? Let’s take another selfie… OMG please don’t put that on Facebook. Ok, let’s just take one more, I promise. OMFG we look so good; I’m making this my new profile pic!
5. You have delusions of grandeur.
We are seriously the coolest. I mean really we are. Why don’t we have our own reality show? We are so funny, probably like the funniest people alive.
6. You confess your love for your BFF.
I heart you. Seriously, you are like the love of my life. Like you are my heterosexual life partner; we should just get married and decorate however we want. Watch girly movies all the time and eat vegetarian food and froyo whenever we want.
7. And then you go all Bridget Fonda in Single White Female.
You’re so pretty; you’re seriously like the prettiest person ever. Why are you so pretty? I fucking hate you, you pretty bitch.
8. You realize that you are the shit.
OMG we’re so much better than these bitches. I mean seriously we are so much like hotter and classier than these hussies, and why is no one dancing with us?
9. All you want to do is dance.
I just wanna dance. Fuck guys. Let’s just dance.
10. Who the hell am I dancing with?
Jess, is this guy I’m dancing with attractive or a total troll? OMG help!
11. Buzzed or drunk?
I think I’m drunk, but I don’t know. Jess are you drunk or just buzzed? I mean maybe I’m just kinda buzzed; are you buzzed? Maybe we should get another drink.
12. Fuck shoes.
I’m gonna take my shoes off; do you think I can take my shoes off in here? Oh my god these shoes are soooo uncomfortable — bad choice. I mean why do we even have to wear shoes in the first place; like who invented shoes? Oh look they have fries!
13. Boys are dumb.
What do you think this text from Matt actually means? I mean does he actually want to hang out or does he just want to get into my pants? Whatever, boys are dumb; let’s just dance.
14. I need food or I will hurt someone.
Seriously, I need fries in my mouth right now; where the hell is our food?
