I don’t know about you, but I’ve never liked receiving rejection letters. They are always so cold, heartless, brutal, condescending, heartfelt, honest, and truthful all at the same time. And they also seem to come at the worst time; like when you’re trying to get a job.
However, there is a better way to turn those unemployment blues into gainful employment. All you have to do is fill out this simple form (below) and send it to your top choice that has recently rejected you. Please be careful not to over send this form, as you may find yourself gainfully over-employed, which can be even more stressful than the latter.
(Insert ‘today’s date’ here, or you could just draw a cute smiley face. It doesn’t matter; you’ve already been rejected)
Dear (Insert name of company who heartlessly rejected you),
Thank you for your kind letter. After careful consideration to your rejection, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment at this time. This year I have been rather fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of qualified rejection letters, and with such a varied and promising field of potential candidates it was impossible for me to accept all these refusals.
Despite your obvious outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I regret to inform you that your current rejection does not meet with my needs. I will therefore initiate employment with your company immediately following a paid two week vacation that I am putting you on notice of starting tomorrow. I look forward to seeing you in the very late afternoon of the day after I return.
I wish you the best of luck with your continued rejection of qualified applicants.
(Insert ‘your name’ here)