Surveys show that a good portion of women have dated a guy with more skeletons in his closet than Hannibal Lecter. Despite this, over 60 percent will regret the loss of these bone collectors, and consider going back to them. Never mind that the vast majority of these second chances ever works out. What you need to consider is the idea that reheating these leftovers can take several months out of your life, which could be time better spent with someone else. Ladies, before you clean out your closet to make room for your ex’s cemetery (get yourself together, just to risk falling apart again), these are the nine things you should consider.
1. First Love
Surveys suggest that youthful sweethearts remain very special in our memory banks. In fact, over 60 percent of women look back on their first boyfriend with fond memories. Many psychologists give the thumbs-up to giving an old flame from high school or college another try. Why? Because quite often these relationships did not work due to immaturity, timing, or parental disapproval, and a second or third round just might be the charm.
2. Young Love
Young love, in general, is a magical ideal for many women. It represents a time when they were less cautious, more trusting, and more open to sharing their feelings with a lover. When we recoup a love affair from the past, its memories can blind you from obvious red flags, so it is important to hold onto your adult sensibilities. 80 percent of the married men and women who seek a sweetheart from their past, end up having an affair, egged on by fantasy, rather than logic. This is another way of saying: These types of relationships rarely work out for the good of anyone.
One of the most dangerous reasons to go back to an ex is out of loneliness. These feelings could be brought on by low self-esteem, another painful breakup, or just looking for companionship. We all feel lonely from time to time, so don’t let this vulnerability lead you to a mistake.
Getting out of a bad relationship, and then jumping into another soon after, is considered to be a rebound, and can be unhealthy when you’re trying to find closure. However, according to one study, the benefit of fostering a new relationship (rebound or not) can offer an optimistic outlook to dating, which can break the on and off pattern of going back to an ex. Just be careful not to hurt someone else in the process.
Some people make the mistake of going back to an ex after only a short period of time. If you want to make another go of it, put some time in between–at least until you can accept the fact that being single is the better alternative to rekindling another bad relationship.
You may feel like you’ve had enough time to heal. However, can you really say you forgive your ex for everything that has happened? If you can’t completely forgive him, you won’t be able to make a fresh start with an open heart.
In some cases, the mistake’s you made that lead to the breakup or divorce, are the very same ones that keep leaking trouble into the rest of your life, including career stagnation and poor self-image. It is through these failures that you can learn how to overcome these inadequacies, and grow to become a better mate.
If you jump into a relationship with an ex, things may seem better for a couple of weeks. That is until those old habits fall back into place, and you find yourself right back where you left off. There were reasons it didn’t work the first time, so you’ll need to find better ways to approach those old problems. Otherwise, get off that merry-go-round, because you already know where it ends up.
Some women confuse friendship with the desire to regurgitate romance with an ex-lover. According to research, many former partners who began as friends, can resume back to their old status once the romance has run its course. However, keep in mind that some couples are just better off as friends. Make sure you have your feelings sorted out before rekindling something you shouldn’t.